Into the mind of the Ingenue

There is a reason why I have been writing on my Friendster blog for the last month rather than on this blog. And I guess until today I really didn't want to admit to myself why I chose to write there when I know most of the people who ever really cared about me read this blog.

I wanted to make parining to a certain someone.  He has long since deleted his Friendster account or deleted me as a friend or blocked me from ever seeing him online but there's always been this part of me that wanted to show off what I have now in the hopes that he'd look me up once in a while. I know it's horrible, in fact it's downright vindicative but the funny thing is that since he voluntarily disappeared off the face of my cyber network it's been doubly hard. Why? Because some twisted part of me relished the fact that he knew I was having a good time, that I was ok without him. And on another level I guess I resented the possibility that I was being classified as 'the ex-girlfriend who I pretend is dead or never existed." I mean, come one, aren't we all sane ADULTS here? I know it was a highschool relationship but aren't those exactly the ones that we look back on and laugh about? We're SUPPOSED to anyway.

Being figuratively deleted from the addressbook was something I never thought about because I always maintained the willingness to be friends with people I've dated and we're all good, if not still friends then at least we're civil. But this? It's like who am I? Godzilla girlfriend? Am I so bad that he's forced to totally pretend I don't exist? Or is he that immature? I've never mentioned this before because I was pretty mixed up. A friend of mine (you know who you are dear) once talked about moving in the same circles as her ex. It is hard. What's worse, when you live in a small town people talk. I feel like in the time I've been back here in Iloilo there's this dance going on called 'try to keep them from crossing paths.' I don't even know why I care.

Perhaps the explanation is I've already met my boyfriend's ex and I had fun with her. I like her even and I would wanna be better friends with her. Sure in the beginning I was worried and watched them like a hawk but in the end I knew things were totally ok between them. I guess what I want is to be able to sit across the table from my ex and his girl and (as Gwen Stefani sings) 'know we're cool.'

Maybe I'm just being selfish and I want this for my own peace of mind because I hate being ignored or thinking that somewhere out there someone is willingly pretending I don't exist. Still, it does smell of immaturity. And there are plenty of adults out there who are still acting like pikon kids.

So there. I don't wanna keep making parinig. It's just too immature and one less childish person in this world is a good thing. He can do what he likes, for my part I know my door's always open for an adult conversation and good relations.

So after months of planning and emailing and calling and document-gathering I finally made it to the French Embassy yesterday. The entire experience was not exactly comfortable but I don't think anything worthwhile ever is anyway. However I know many people who are stumped and nervous about going for interviews and since I gathered a lot of useful information from websites and online forums I thought i'd give back a little by describing my own experience so that others will have an idea of what to do when going for a visa interview.

First of all I had my documents ready the week before my interview. I emailed the embassy to request for an appointment at the earliest time possible (which is usually between 8-12, Monday-Friday for the French embassy). I sent the email out Friday morning and got a reply back the same day at 2 p.m. A man from the embassy called me and asked if Monday next week was ok and I said yes. It is important to note here that I made sure I did not get the 8 a.m. slot (he first suggested that I take the 8 a.m.) because as a student- visa applicant and I needed to be interviewed by the French attachee of academic and cultural affairs before going for my interview with the visa section. I emailed the attachee about my schedule and  asked if 8 a.m.  would be a good time to meet since my inetrview was scheduled at 9 a.m. and I knew she wanted to see me an hour prior to my visa interview. I didn't get a reply that day or over the weekend so I was a bit worried but I decided to go early to the embassy anyway and just ask for an appointment or further instructions.

I spent the weekend organizing my files and photocpying everything and having photographs taken. As per the advice of my French uncle and aunt I arranged all the documents in the order enumerated by the Student Visa Requirement document I was sent months before. It is also better to paper-clip documents together rather than staple them since the embassy may want to photocopy them and it annoys personnel (according to my uncle) if they have to unstaple the papers. Thus the only documents I stapled were the ones that had continuing pages that might get mixed up or lost (e.g. my application form which was 2 pages long and bank statements that were 3 pages or more). I made 4 photocopies of everything and arranged them all in the same order as the originals, even going so far as to put Post-It notes on the different documents like "Birth certificate", "Personal Bank Statements", "School Diplomas" etc. Why 4 photocopies? 1 for me, one for the visa section, one for the academic attachee and one just in case (I'm OC and like to be well-prepared).

i put all the documents plus the originals in large manila envelopes and got a clear plastic binder to put in my passport-sized photos and the cash payment for the visa processing. it's CRUCIAL to have more than the estimated amount for the payment because currency fluctuations can change the rate of exchange as you will see when I describe my interview later on.

Anyway after a stressed and nervous weekend I was up and about at 6 a.m. on Monday morning and making sure I had all my documents. Plus of course you MUST, MUST, MUST be well-dressed. I was in a cream-colored turtleneck, black pencil skirt and heels with minimum jewelry and just light makeup. It is just the way of the world that people who dress better make better first impressions, especially in this case where you want the embassy to believe you have enough money to travel and not go TNT. However, don't go over the top and layer on the bling and (fake!) designer bags because the embassy personnel (especially the Filipinos working there) may think you are haughty or "feeling." Actually just go business casual and you should be alright. Slippers, ratty t-shirts, sleevess, spaghetti-straps, tubes and torn jeans are certainly not the way to go (more on this later).

I arrived at the embassy at 9 a.m. (an hour later than my planned arrival at 8 a.m.) because traffic was horrible. Thankfully when I reached the embassy and asked if the attachee was aroudn because I had emailed her for an appointment they informed me that Madame (as I will refer to her from now on) had not yet arrived and I shoudl wait maybe 15 minutes. I ended up spending 30 minutes sitting on the carpeted floor (yes FLOOR) of the corridor leading to the visa section with about six other people waiting for relatives or friends who were inside having interviews (only visa applicants are allowed inside the visa section). After about 30 mintes a woman called my name and ushured me inside the main office complex of the embassy. To get in you have to be buzzed in by security or have an access card. The Frenchman who was in charge of security was so very, very friendly and charming (no snooty French here!!!!) as he asked for my ID and told me to switch off my phone. He also asked if I spoke French and I responded (in French mais bien sur) that I spoke only a little. With a smile and a wave of his hand (and a merci beacoup from moi) I was led into the office area where I was told to wait and browse a few magazines while they told Madame I was there.

After 5 minutes in walked a young, beautiful (and tall!) Frenchwoman who introduced herself as Madame and smiled warmly at me (again no snooty French here!) She showed me into her office and apologized for not responding to my email last Friday because she was on leave. LESSON FROM ME: Call AND email because you aren't sure if the person you are writing to has access to him/her email. At least the phone is faster also. Anyway after the preliminary pleasantries she asked me basic question about who I was staying with, what I wanted to do after school in France and asked for some documents (both the original and the photocopies). After about 15 minutes of chatting and intermittent typing she asked me to fill out some student info forms, told me I was cleared to go for my visa interview now and then walked with me out of the office. The charming Frenchman at security smiled as he handed me my ID and said "salamat!" and of course I smiled and thanked him as well.

On my way to the visa section i dropped by the informantion window and thanked the woman manning the booth for her time (just as a courtesy, it pays to just be polite to everyone) and went to the washroom before heading into the visa section. Now here is where I shall elaborate on dressing well and being kind and courteous. The first thing I did when I walked in was just smile and politely ask the guard for info or what I should do once inside (best to be prepared before walking in the lion's den). He gave me a number and told me to wait until I was called and then just to go to the front of the room. With that and a smile he buzzed me through the heavy glass and iron doors of the visa section.

And voila. About a dozen people sat in rows facing a glassed-in enclosure (much like prison haha)  from where three Filipinos ( a woman and two men) were talking through speakers to the applicants across the glass divider. I waited for about 30 minutes before one of the men called me and SPOKE TO ME IN FRENCH. For whatever reason (je n'est sais pas pourquoi)  so I just replied  "Je suis desolee je ne vous comprende pas" (I don't understand you) and he switched to English. He asked for my original documents and photocopies of the originals and asked teh same questions Madame asked me, plus additionally if I had a passport that showed I had travelled. THIS is where I mentally kicked myself for my stupidity because I had not thought it necessary to bring my old passport which showed I had traveled to HK and China in the previous years. The embassy likes to see that you have traveled before because it makes them more confident that you will come back and not go AWOL in a foreign country like sadly so many of our  citizens. Anyway I could do nothing so I just said sorry I did not bring it and he said I would have to be processed as if I have never traveled before (minus points for me for that booboo). He also said that I had to have pictures with a WHITE background not a blue one so I had to go down to the ground floor and have myself photographed in the rush photo booth. After I got my new photos I went back up and waited to be called again.

In the two hours I was waiting to be called I saw how different people are treated differently based on appearance and demeanor. There was an Iranian couple applying for tourist visas to France and dressed pretty ok in smart casual, also a mother and daughter team that arrived well-turned-out and they got good treatment, so did the other people who dressed appropriately. However there was this big man in baggy jeans, a baggy t-shirt, socks AND sandals (wearing socks AND sandals is just wrong, period). He was grumbling and snorting his impatience most of the time and I could see the visa personnel did not like him much, especially when the man's name was called and he didn't hear because he was ASLEEP. THAT got the man an annoyed and dirty look from the visa guy. There was also a woman who had a French boyfriend/fiance/husband and he did most of the talking and was dressed well while she was in plaforms, tight jeans and spaghetti straps so thin you could see her bra and (since the bra wasn't a strapless) her bra straps were showing. The Frenchman of course got all the attention and his girl just stood there mute and (to the visa person) practically invisible.

To be fair the personnel were very impartial and professional and even my efforts to be pleasant and friendly did not garner much more than indifference from my interviewer. But that is all part of the professionalism and training they must have, one can't be too friendly nor chatty so it's up to us to just be as nice as possible so that the people on the other side of the glass will be nice as well. Far from being nice for a visa, I've found that a smile and asking nicely just gets things done faster and makes everyone feel better (I learned this from my Mom who is just amazing and can be polite in the face of utter rudeness, she's a saint I promise).

I finally got my passport back at around 12:30 p.m. and the visa guy stamped something on my passport, asked me to come back in a few week's time to claim the result of my interview and to bring travel insurance good for one year. And that was that. I was free to go. The guard at the entrance smiled at me and said goodbye and I boarded the elevator with everyone else.

So that's that. Months of stress and work and nervousness all boiled down to that morning at the embassy. i get my results in a few weeks. I hope I get that student visa. *Prays*

So some tips to cap it all off:

1. Come as early as possible. Even if my interview was at 10 I'd still want to be there at 8 a.m. (when the embassy opens) because the earlier you are the earlier you get to be interviewed. Towards lunchtime the people get harassed and might be hungry and grumpy already. Plus I observed that around 11 o'clock more than dozen people all walked in together (sort of like a lunchtime rush) and it was very hard for the staff to conduct interviews and to hear names because of the noise in the room. Coming early just makes the whole process faster and more relaxing, especially if you're like me and needs to see more than one person.

2. Call and CONFIRM. It is important because the people's schedules may change or they will not arrive until later in the day (like what happened to me) since they think they do not have an appointment. Letting people know when you plan to be there ensures you will not have to wait long or that your entire schedule will be wrecked.

3. Have multiple copies of yoru documents and arrange them in order. A woman who I rode in the elevator with was also applying for a visa at the embassy and she was telling us how the  visa staff reprimanded her for not having her documents in the proper order. It may not seem like a big deal to soem people but for staff who have to process hundreds of papers a day it's just better to save them the trouble and arraneg stuff properly. If the first item listed is Visa Application followed by Birth Certificate then Bank Statement by all means arrange them according to that list.

4. Post-Its were a bad idea. DON'T put Post-Its because it's just more unnecessary paper (my bad). DO paper-clip instead of staple items together.

5. HAVE PHOTOS WITH WHITE BACKGROUND. Apparently only the Philippine passport peopke want you to have blue backgrounds. Internationally WHITE is still the standard and definitely the French embassy's. So if in doubt have two pictures taken, one in blue and one in white just to be sire.

6. BRING OLD PASSPORTS. This would have been plus points for me if I had brought it because it shows the embassy that I have enough resources to travel out of the country and also that I am coming back and not gonna stay illegally in a foreign land. They also like to see which countries you visited because it shows whose requirements you have passed. My cousin's student visa was granted almost instantly because his passport showed he had a valid US tourist visa.

7.  Go business. Wear your smartest outfit. This is not the time to be sexy and show cleavage or wear body-hugging jeans that show panty lines. Guys at the very least should wear a polo shirt and nice slacks and leather shoes. NO ONE shoudl wear slippers, no matter if they are 800-peso Havaianas OR 8000-peso Marc Jacobs. Besides, it's cold inside the room and your toes will turn blue. Go easy on the perfume and makeup because some personnel may be allergic to your cologne and start coughing or getting a headache. Piling on the makeup just makes you look weird and maybe different from your passport photos so it's best to just do light makeup and definitely NOT too much jewelry. Nobody wants to be distracted by 5-carat dangling diamond earrings and the personnel may think you are trying too hard. As my French uncle said, "be humble." Don't look like you just came off the farm because they will doubt you have money BUT don't look like you're wearing yoru entire jewellry collection either. Nobody likes a show-off.

8. Be nice, nice nice. Who cares if the visa personnel is rude or brusque or indifferent? YOU can be nice and pleasant. Kindness goes a long way in imporving someone's mood. The Frenchman at the security stop in the office and Madame were very friendly and smiled a lot so that eased a bit of my anxiety and made me loosen up a little. Just be nice and it will pay off.

9. BRING EXTRA CASH. I mentioned earlier about exchange rates and for visa processing it's very important you have enough money to cover in case the rates go higher. Also bring small bills because embassies usually prefer exact amounts. While I was waiting for my interview a woman was stressing out because she needed to pay for her visa but she didn't have enough cash on hand so that was more time wasted as she went out of the building to find an ATM. Another woman also needed the exact amount and had to have her 50-peso bill changed and I actually had enough in 20s and coins to help her out so I did. She was very grateful and happy when she passed by me on her way out. Apart from being nice, helping other people in need just makes you feel good that you helped abother human being right?

10. Pray. I still don't know if I will be granted the visa or not, nor will I make assumptions but once you have done all that you can do God will do the rest.

I hope others will find my experience helpful for their own forays into the 'visa wars' as some peopel call it. Haha.

Yesterday I met a lot of old friends at Mag:net while attending the White Bananas' gig. They were awesome as always (love you guys!) and it was so much fun. But I think as far as eventful goes.. it was what happened after that really got me thinking.

Yas was there since we have mutual friends and it was so nice to see her again right before she delves into the law school world. It's funny how our paths take us in so many different directions, sometimes directions we don't even expect to take. Who would have thought the president of the Comm organization of Ateneo would give up advertising for law? But we got to talking and her reasons for leaving are the same reasons why I don't want to even get into the industry. In my four years at Ateneo I've seen so much and learned so much but as a lot of people have said... your course doesn't define your  career path for the rest of your life.

One of the first things people ask me as a fresh grad is "are you working already?" and when I tell them no because I have plans of studying abroad they nod in understanding. When I mention France they go "oh my gosh that is such an awesome opportunity!" Indeed it is and I wish with all my heart the hardships and trials I have been going through to arrange my visa will have been worth it when (God-willing) I am there. Everything is ready except for one requirement but this requirement has me calling and contacting every single person I know who could possibly understand what a certificate of permanent money transfer from the Philippines to a French bank account is. I've said it so many times I memorize it already. But here I go plodding on, despite the frustration that has been plaguing me ever since this whole thing started because no one knows exactly what the heck that certificate is. But anyway... we will find a way... truly it is in these times that I turn to God, when everything seems to be empty and I'm grasping at nothing but air.  My only hope is that I do indeed get this requirement done and that I can make the deadline for the visa interview and application.

But assuming I do make it to France... Indeed a whole new world will open up to me. For all of us fresh grads new opportunities are starting to come to fruition, opportunities that we may have been eyeing for a long time or surprises that just come out of the blue. I'm sad to say I haven't done a good job of keeping up with a lot of my batchmates since graduation and that I didn't know Sab was leaving for the States in a few days to try and make a life there. But seeing this and knowing we are all literally standing with the whole world open to us makes me really scared. To be honest I don't think I will come back from France the same person. Well that is like an accepted reality. But in the greater scheme of things... I want to be more... I want to find my place so my life will fall in place (haha echoes of our high school graduation when we sang this sng bring tears to my eyes.) I don't want to abandon my country and certainly I don't have any intention or desire to be an illegal entity or a TNT in any foreign nation... but I want to be outside... go out into the world.. Somehow I have a feeling the Philippines is not where I am supposed to start just yet.

And yes I am paranoid that maybe French Embassy spies are tracking down my weblogs and such. Which I don't know if they do but it's an interesting, albeit scary, possibility. Well I have nothing to hide anyway. After France... I'm going to make my own way in the world. I am doing everything I can to make sure they know I am coming back to the Philippines or going to seek my fortune in another land and not going rogue in their country. I'm just there for the language, culture and learning experience. If opportunities present themselves thanks be to God.

So.. some friends have already gone, others are already on their way to leaving, and some will make their lives here. None of our choice or directions are better or worse than another's. It's just very interesting and weird to see my fellow Blue Eagle hatchlings finally spread their wings and start to fly. I know we will go separate ways and our lives will be our own.. but for one brief moment in time we were one, we were together in  one place, one school, and I wouldn't give up that time with them for anything in the world. I hope that down the road we'll all meet up again and we will be happy, successful and fulfilled with the direction our lives have taken.

Good luck to all of us starting on a journey... it's the one that will last a lifetime.

I have an appointment with mother's high school classmate/ lawyer/ EU trade ambassador and I'm wondering just how much longer it will take for my papers to come through. A few days ago (last Friday to be exact) I put in a phone call to the NSO to have an authentic copy of my birth certificate delivered to the house. Apparently it will take until next week at the most and after that I have about another week to go before the DFA authenticates it. Apres that I can tick one more piece of paper off my list of "papers for the embassy." Not to mention I still am waiting on my French residence certificate from my foster family in Paris (those papers will arrive by late May according to Tante)  and the family business/corporation financial statements which will prove my family has enough moolah to keep me alive in the City of Lights for a year or more.  Oh and I have yet to find a French bank which has a branch in the Philippines (BNP Paribas is the only one I know) and open an account there and guarantee I can deposit more than 400 Euros to that account from the Philippines every month (in layman's terms... my parents are required by my visa application to send me a P30,000 allowance every month when I am in Paris-- Luis Vuitton bags here I come! ;P Yeah right my mom would kill me). I had hoped to be in Iloilo by late May/ right after our return from Baguio but the way things are going right now seems more like I will be saying "bonjour Iloilo" in June.. or something. I just hope time flies. September is so far away yet.

And May 18th... mine and Nick's one-year anniversary. Also the same day my dear childhood friend Kiera's daughter is to be christened. And she asked me to be little Sandrine's ninang. But I'm supposed to be leaving for Baguio on the 16th. Cry. :( I really want to go and be a ninang but I also want to go and spend time in my beloved Baguio since I haven't been there in two years plus my cousin V.A. is coming back for his summer vacay after a year in Arizona. Actually i'm doing it just for V.A. really. if he wasn't coming I don't think I'd pass up on Sandrine's christening. I feel so bad thinking I have to turn it down. Maybe I won't, maybe there's still another way. But sigh... I really don't know. One thing's for sure, I have to see Kiera and her now-growing family soon.

And sigh... yes I miss my boy very much. Very, very much indeed.

    Yep, another day gone and bored. I'm realizing now I should probably have gone home with my parents when they left for Iloilo instead of staying here in Manila and getting bored out of my mind. At least there I would have been able to ride every day if I wanted to (heck, i probably would have lived in Fiam for days) and defintely gone to the beach or something. Ok so a reminder to myself why I should stay in Manila.

1. We're going to Villa Escudero on Saturday. I can't really see the big deal (yawn) but whatever, new place. Yep boredom makes me surly too.

************(ok trying not to be grumpy)*************

 2. We're going to Subic (finally!) over Labor Day weekend and hopefully staying there for the rest of the week. I kinda feel dumb because I thought we'd go to Subic as soon as Mama arrived from Iloilo (like THREE weeks ago) but apparently not....so I got stuck here twiddling my thumbs asking "are we going yet?"

3. For the sake of my French visa I want to be near the center so all documents can be gathered and processed in the capital.

4. It's lonely at home with just the folks. But then again it's boring here even with everyone in residence.

5. I have no more reasons.

Bored. BoRED. BORED. And nope, because of said out-of-town trips, I can't take regular classes (cooking and painting being my top two) or brush up on my language skills at Alliance because I'd have to be absent for days and days. Yes, it's official, I know I've definitely grown up
when I'd rather just get away from (some) of the family rather than spend months on end with them. Speaking of family, I haven't seen my Tita and Tito at dinner in like two weeks, looks like I'm not the only one wanting space from this cramped house.  Lucky them, they can have date night every night.

I wish I could.

Every time I see Star Jones- Reynolds I'm remembered of Ma'am Valdez. And thesis. And hell sem. Thank God I survived. This sem was by far the most brutal, bloody and tearful in my entire life as an Atenean. I hope next sem will be much better. And I just want to pass all my subjects. Just pass. I just wanna pass so I never have to look back and do thesis again. Gah. Enough said.

In other news...meaning news that actually happens in LIFE (that thing I USED to have before thesis)... yesterday catching up with old friends, even just through text, proved to work wonders. The myriad vicissitudes of life (SEE I USED IT JON! :D) really do surprise me at every turn. Talking about the love lives of several friends got me wailing yesterday to my darling boyfriend about how some of my friends are actually getting married already, at such a young age! And his response? "It's not about the age anyway, there's no template for marriage." I realized then I was being quite hypocritical because I always used to be so outspoken about people not judging the choices of couples and here I was dissecting someone else's choices. Trust my levelheaded beau to screw my head on straight again.

That of course lead my sister, who was with us last night, to make bug-eyes and exclaim "oh my God you're not getting married already are you?"
To which Nick turned to me and said teasingly "you wanna get married next year?" 
To which Stef then demanded to know "who's your bridesmaid gonna be!?"

Apparently I'm not the only one entertaining thoughts of the veritable knot-tying. Or maybe this is just the effect of the wedding buzz that's been going around since July. Blagh... thinking about that right now makes me kind of queasy. Then again it could be the peanut butter I had for merienda. Ah wedding bells.... please just not right now.. I need to hear graduation speeches first...